In Memoriam
by mariaterese
Summary: A one-shot homage to Tray Dawson. This is not related to my story The Devil You Know. Spoilers for D&G.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Southern Vampires series. All rights belong to Charlaine Harris.

A/N: I always take it hard when characters I love are killed off. The Harry Potter books were quite an ordeal… Anyway, I though Tray needed some recognition. I'll really miss him.

This is not in any way related to my story The Devil You Know.

**In Memoriam**

I had to tell Amelia that Tray was dead. Eric had dropped me off at home and she came out of the house to hold the door open as he carried me into the house. Of course, the first things she saw was the sight of me looking like I'd been run over by a Mack truck, and the state of post-battle Eric. She was both talking and broadcasting her thoughts loudly, asking us questions. Eric laid me down on my bed and Amelia helped me change out of my blood-stained clothes and into a white nightgown. I did my best to avoid most of her questions while Eric was helping himself to a True Blood in the kitchen. I knew he needed to head back to Shreveport before dawn and I needed to tell Amelia what had happened since she'd left the house that morning. I asked him to come into my room without raising my voice. I knew he'd hear me.

"Sookie. I need to go back to Shreveport."

"I know. I was just about to tell you it's okay to leave. I need to talk to Amelia anyway."

"Yes, of course. I will see you soon, lover. And do not get out of bed unless it is absolutely necessary. I mean it."

"Oh, I won't be going anywhere for a while. Bye, Eric."

He turned to leave and I did my best to sit up in bed and face Amelia. She'd more or less accepted that I would tell her when I was ready and now she sat in the ex-boyfriend chair and looked at me expectantly. Not for the first time that night did I wish I hadn't survived.

"Will you please tell me what happened? Where is Tray? Why isn't he answering his phone?"

"Amelia…"

*******************************

I cried with her. I thought I was all cried out, but I was sad and I was grieving and my body ached. We barely saw each other the next day. Sam came by to check up on me, and after explaining everything all over again he had to go outside and cool down for a while. He made dinner for all three of us but I wasn't really all that hungry and Amelia wouldn't leave her room.

I missed Claudine so much my heart ached. I couldn't believe she was gone. I knew she would have been a great mother if she'd only been given a chance.

Eric called. He said Bill was recovering but that it would be a slow process and that it would take some time for him to regain all his strength. I was still worried.

The next day we woke up to the news that Tray's body had been found in his house. The official story was that someone had broken into his house and tortured him to death. It's a shame that his bravery would never become public.

Calvin Norris once said that it was Tray's choice. His choice of profession as a bodyguard, his choice of actions and that he was fully aware that actions have consequences. Tray had been shot that time, protecting me. Even on his death bed he'd said that it was his own fault, but I had felt guilty back then and I feel guilty now. Everyone tells me I'm not to blame, of course. Even Amelia. But it doesn't matter how many reassurances I get that Tray died a hero, doing his job. He's dead because of me, and I can sense Amelia's guilt over thinking that's true.

Claudine died in battle. I hope it was quick and that she didn't suffer. Tray was poisoned and tortured even worse than I was at the hands of those sadistic fairies. The pain was so unbearable that I wished for death. But Tray got it even worse. He died slow and suffering. But a hero none the less.

**Amelia's POV**

I couldn't believe it. The last time I saw him he was in my bed, tossing and turning, but still next to me in my bed. I knew he was ill, but I could never even imagine that my big strong and nearly invincible Tray could die. It doesn't make any sense. He can't have died. Not like that. But it was true. I had an ominous feeling as soon as I saw the look in Sookie's eyes when I had gotten over the initial shock of her appalling appearance. She told me the whole story and I knew he would have considered it an honourable death, but I don't care. Honourable or not, he's gone. And I loved him. I really did.

I try not to blame Sookie, but it's difficult. Thing is though, I know Tray volunteered for the job so that he could also keep an eye on me. I try not to play the if-game.

If he had…

If I had…

If Sookie hadn't…

If…

If…

I cry for Tray and what we've both lost, I cry for Claudine and I even feel bad for Bill. It doesn't change anything. He's really gone.

Tray's ex-wife and his son were handling the funeral arrangement. None of us were allowed to see his body because it, he, was in such bad shape. I felt horrible for his son.

Sookie came with me to the funeral and I appreciated the company. It was so final. Was I expected to 'get over it' after he was buried and I've said goodbye? How can I?

He shouldn't be dead. I still love him.


End file.
